Christian Conferences for Dummies

worshipChristians, especially Pastors, like to spend a lot of money going to church conferences. I quite like going to conferences across the church spectrum , though I must admit after going to a few, you could basically predict what will be said. So if you want to save yourself the money, here is my tongue in cheek guide to what you will hear!

The visiting American Mega-Church Pastor Conference: “So we launched our church back in 2008 and a year later we had 5,000 people. Isn’t God great?”

The Local Denomination’s Conference: “I am so glad 9 of you could make it.”

The Charismatic Church Conference: “I healed 200 people in Africa and you can too.”

The Evangelical Church Conference: “We must guard the truth, especially from the errors of the liberals, Catholics, Charismatic’s, emergent’s and women.”

The Emerging Church Conference: “Who here will go and be Christ in the local transgender, environmentalist artist hub up the road?”

The Creationist Conference: “The decline of the church is all Darwin’s fault.”

The Pentecostal Church Conference: “Before I pluck a few random verse to talk about greatness, we are just going to unleash 100 fold blessing through a love offering”

The liberal Church Conference: “Let’s give a warm round of applause to our next speaker, the Dalai Lama.”

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